Prime Minister Portillo and other things that never happened, various

"What if Lenin's train had crashed on the way to the Finland Station? Lee Harvey Oswald had missed? Lord Halifax had become Prime Minister in 1940 instead of Churchill? In this diverting and thought-provoking book of counter-factuals a collection of distinguished commentators consider how things might have been."









I find these non-fiction 'What if?' books slightly sad, as they work as neither a truly good history book, or as a work of historical fiction. This is compounded by a mixed bag of authors, who range from those catalogueing slight alterations to full blown changes in the timeline, in a variety of styles, with varying degrees of success.

One of the big issues is that very few of these imagine a world changed all that much by the alterations they describe; most are obscure, or at least historically distant, enough that it's hard to see how a revitalised party or individual could have impacted more. Even greater changes, like JFK surviving or Churchill being passed over for Halifax engender only slight fluctuations - legislation passes slower, or the pace of the war moves differently, with the same fixed outcome.

It's a very Fukuyama-esque book, where the outcome we currently have is seemingly all that's possible. Compare and contrast to real works of speculative history, such as Harry Turtledove, and the difference is huge.

Often dry, sometimes interesting, but only fitfully worth dipping into, this is a book more for the writers than the readers, and is best passed over in favour of better offerings.

Also Try;

Robert Harris, Fatherland

Eric Flint; 1631

Harry Turtledove, Guns of the South

You Are Awful (But I Like You); Travels Through Unloved Britain, Tim Moore

"Would you cheer if they sent you to Coventry? Could you stick up for Stoke or big-up Bracknell?Can you handle the thrill of Rhyl, the heaven of Hull or the mirth of Tydfil?

In You are Awful, Tim Moore drives his Austin Maestro round all the places on our beloved island that nobody wants to go to - our most miserable towns, shonkiest hotels, scariest pubs, and silliest sea zoos...

But as the soggy, decrepit quest unfolds he finds himself oddly smitten, and the result is a rousing, nostalgic celebration of mad, bad But I Like You Britain."

A sort of 'Playing the Moldovans at Tennis' of Britain, this is a poor-mans version of Bill Bryson's 'Notes From A Small Island'; written as comedy rather than actual travelogue and playing up that uniquely British thing of being all too passionate about something really, really shit.

Basically, this is these book reviews, in the Wonder Twin's style form of a book about Britain.

Comedy books tend to be hit or miss, and comedy travel guides are dime a dozen. I read it. I can't remember much of it. I learnt one or two interesting things, but, really, crappy towns are much the same. One bad hotel, or city centre, or museum isn't that dissimilar to another, and it's hard to sustain jokes or come up with new ones when you've only got one target.

The bit about Hull is excellent though.

Not awful, I liked it, but there's better out there.

Also Try:
Playing the Moldovans at Tennis, Tony Hawks
Notes From A Small Island, Bill Bryson
Watching the English, Kate Fox

Excalibur Visionaries - Warren Ellis Vol. 3, Warren Ellis

"Nightcrawler! Colossus! Shadowcat! Wolfsbane! Captain Britain! Lockheed! Based on Muir Island, Excalibur has become Europe's most famous team of super heroes; now, they face their deadliest threat yet! The Hellfire Club has infiltrated the British government, and they've got a powerful demon at their beck and call! Plus: Pete Wisdom and Kitty Pryde track a serial killer! Don't miss some of Warren Ellis' finest work!"










Way back when I reviewed Volume 1 and 2 of these Warren Ellis collections of eXcalibur, I remarked that I found them to be better but duller than the straight Americanism's of the mainline X-Men.

High vs Low Culture is not a debate I care to wade into too much, especially insofar as comics are concerned. The culture is already niche enough that a schism between those who think 'Maus' is an incredible work of visionary genius, a heartfelt and nuanced portrayal of the Nazi regime, and those who prefer a vision of 1930s Germany that features 100% more American super-soldiers straight up punching Hitler on the front cover. There are a lot of great 'high' comics, where mainstream or indy, and a lot of terrible 'high' comics, and that's also true of 'low' comics.

And just like with films, some of the worst comics are also the most entertaining. Go read comicsalliance deconstructing Batman: Odyssey ( http://comicsalliance.com/batman-odyssey-review-commentary-part-4-neal-adams/) or anything by Chris Sims on Tarot: Witch of the Black Rose, and you'll find awful comics that are still entertaining. Likewise, some of the best films and comics are ... well, they're pretty boring.

Warren Ellis is fantastic. Warren Ellis can do little wrong in my book. Warren Ellis is an excellent writer, and these are, aesthetically, intellectually, classically, great comics. There is nothing functionally wrong with them. They just don't do it for me.

I read them and they leave me empty, I feel ... nothing. I leafed through 'Red Rover Charlie' in a comic store today, and that almost made me cry then and there. It features art from someone described by the staff at Nostalgia and Comics as "an artist who can only draw animals. Well, dogs. Well, three specific dogs" and yet it has had more emotional impact from a 3 minute glance, and 12 pages of story than this whole volume featuring a half dozen characters I have invested far too much time in.

It is a well made comic. But it isn't a great one.

Its roughly the same situation I talked about in dissecting the previous two volumes, but in doing so I kind of left them to one side. They disappointed me, so I didn't analyse them in depth. They were a slog, and writing about something that's that much effort to read is a chore, so I didn't. But now I'm going to try and analyse exactly why these comics do not work.

The key thing that needs to be understood is that eXcalibur is "the English X-Men". Based out of Muir Island, featuring a cast of established X-Men (Nightcrawler, Colossus, Kitty Pryde) and their Marvel UK compatriots (Captain Britain, Meggan, Wolfsbane and Pete Wisdom), they protect Britain from threats both mutant and magical.

The conveniently tight focus on the New York scene that allowed for easy cameo appearances, cross-overs and world building between titles within Marvel as a whole leaves a lot of room for heroes operating outside of that - there's a whole lot more of the planet than the areas of New York, or, at a stretch San Francisco the X-Men usually operate in.

So a British team has been, off-and-on, a near constant for years, and the influx of young British creators into the American comics scene meant there were plenty of people willing to tell stories set in London, rather than Manhattan.

But the problem with any spin-off is that you are assuming that there's enough there to sustain the interest when divorced from the original source material, in this case; the X-Men.

Excalibur, at least under Ellis, are not. But it isn't like there's much chance of it carving out its own identity, when three of the main cast are core X-Men team members. Colossus and Nightcrawler appeared in the Second Genesis relaunch, and Kitty was the first new member introduced, in Uncanny X-Men #129, 35 issues later. So these guys have been here since, nearly, the very beginning, and they naturally overshadow even established characters like Moira, Brian and Meggan.

Considering that the cast is rounded out by 'a guy who will grow up to be Ahab' and Douglock, you can see why they were bound to be the most focussed upon.

Making ex-X-Men the most popular and visible characters in a book that's meant to be demonstrating its independence from the X-Men is a bit of a bum start then. It's resolutely not written as an X-Men book. It's 'darker and grittier' in the sense that the phrase 'darker and grittier' was originally intended for. People smoke, die, kill, sleep together, swear and act like humans. They usually do this without needing to remind the reader how dark and gritty this all is. They're mature, without being childishly so. It's not Torchwood. And it's not the X-Men, or at least not the X-Men in the way that someone picking up an issue which prominently displays three X-Men on the cover might expect.

Even ignoring that though, there's the secondary problem that throughout the book the real X-Men keep showing up. It's like they forgot this wasn't their book, so at least once an issue they appear to explain what's happening in New York (it's Onslaught).

A little sidenote; this is, alongside Thunderbolts, the best depiction of the world post-Onslaught. The very first thing that the US Government does, following the deaths of 90% of the worlds non-mutant superheroes, is send agents to warn eXcalibur not to come to the US, or else they'll be killed. At this point you would think that the authorities would be desperate to get some heroes on-board who can actually fend off the next Kree-Skrull war, or stop a giant planet eater from consuming Earth. But no, instead we get fantastic racism.

It's deliberately played up as a weirdly 'American' thing; the idea that their hysterical reaction to mutants is cultural, but that undermines the whole point of the X-Men, that they protect a world that hates and fears them. They are a positive and benign creation of an age of fear and unreason. These children of the atom aren't the villainous destroyers, but protectors of a society that rejects them. Their sacrifice for people who will never, can never, accept, appreciate and understand them resonated in a society, culture and time where racism, sexism, homophobia were real, and bigotry and fear were (and are) accepted.

Rejecting that in British society, selling it as an American disease, undermines the whole concept of who mutants are and why they need protectors and champions. It creates a cultural void that invalidates the basic need for eXcalibur. And they're left dangling without the core delineation between the roles of mutants and other heroes.

And this really is why I think Ellis' eXcalibur doesn't work and why, for instance, Paul Cornell's Captain Britain does; there isn't enough faith in who these characters are as heroes. There's a point where Brian muses on the fact that compared to how people felt about Captain America, the emotional, patriotic response wasn't the same for him. Contrast that with Cornell's pages of Britain's reaction to Brian sacrificing himself:

"when Captain America died, Americans heard it in an American way:

through the media.

When Captain Britain died, the British felt it in their chests."

(I really wish I could get that page up, because I can't tell you how much I love it. For me, it's the ultimate expression of Britishness; we're a nation learning how to deal with what we've lost. Between that, the Black Knight and Faiza holding the bridge alone, and Captain Britain's return, Cornell's series is stunningly worth reading).

British heroes don't have to just be spies, and magic. They can be bombastic and still be British. They don't have to have the in your face jingosim of the Ultimates, but can still represent Britain, and what it means to be British. And they can be separate from the X-Men and still be compelling.

What they can't be is a sub par X-Men lite, divorced from the reasons behind the X-Men and plonked in a new setting. Or rather they can be that, but it doesn't work, and it just makes me want to go read about how the heroes saved New York by jumping into Onslaught, and were themselves saved by a small child's imagination.

Also Try:
Paul Cornell, Captain Britain and MI13
Chris Claremont, Uncanny X-Men
Warren Ellis, eXcalibur Visionaries Vol. 1 and 2
Warren Ellis, Planetary

New Excalibur: Battle for Eternity, Chris Claremont

"Chris Claremont makes his triumphant return to New Excalibur! The fight has begun. The battle that's been building since the very beginning of the series is finally coming to a head. Captain Britain must take on his opposite for a battle that will be waged upon many worlds. Plus: One of the team members suddenly succumbs to an all too real tragedy. The team must pull together and care for their fallen friend while their own lives fall to pieces. Collects New Excalibur #16-24."












If the Excalibur (or eXcalibur) of Warren Ellis was all grim and gritty spy fare with a dash of sci-fi thrown in, this is pure, unadulterated Claremontian superheroics.

Or at least it is AFTER the first few issues, which instead choose to focus on ... Nocturne suffering a stroke. If you can imagine the mood whiplash of that being the lead in to an alternate version 'evil' Captain Britain showing up to invade London with an alternate version 'evil' X-Men, whilst a diverse eXcalibur team battled against overwhelming odds to defeat them and save the Queen from execution. Well, actually, it's rather impossible to imagine that kind of mood change.

So if you do read this book after reading this, just skip those first few issues. It's not worth it. Much like the powerloss chapter about the depowered mutant who almost inadvertently dies because he can't fly anymore, it's a taste of the real world that certainly has a place in comics, but rarely works alongside the convention of capes and baddy punching.

Is it good? Rarely. Is it enjoyable? Assuredly so. Will you miss anything by not reading it. Not at all.

There's a lot of Claremont comics to get out there, this isn't even top 30.

Also Try:
Chris Claremont; X-Men
Mark Millar, Ultimate X-Men
Joss Whedon, Astonishing X-Men
Christos Gage, World War Hulk: X-Men

Excalibur Visionaries - Warren Ellis Vol. 1 and Vol. 2, Warren Ellis

Born in whimsy though it was, the British mutant team had its share of dark days - never moreso than under the horrific hands of Warren Ellis Excalibur enters the Genoshan war zone with Peter Wisdom, smoking sardonic spy extraordinaire, as their guide Plus: Nightcrawler's magic girlfriend Daytripper joins the cast when a sorcerous struggle centers on Shadowcat's Soulsword Mutant terrorism, extraterrestrial espionage, and more Guest-starring Wolverine










Romance is in the air for Englands's Premier super-team! Captain Britain loves Meggan, Pete Wisdom has moved in with Kitty Pryde, Nightcrawler and Day Tripper are back together, and Wolfsbane and Douglock are best friends! But things don't stay rosy long as the team faces threats from a group of Brood in the future, an all-powerful X-Man and...Colossus!? Plus: The Starjammers save the Shi'ar Empire! 









I read these two together, so rather than splitting them into the two books that they came as I'll just review them as one.

I was initially drawn to these for two reasons, a fondness for Warren Ellis, and a particular love of Excalibur (or eXcalibur, as it's often titled), the English X-Men. Marvel have had a long history of creating excellent UK titles, most recently in Cornell's Captain Britain books, although the Marvel UK brand is relaunching imminently.

A further draw was that the second book features the appearance of Colossus, although as it turned out that was less positive than I had hoped, as my favourite character basically turns up to be jobbed as a villain.

There's certainly a lot to love, especially in the first volume, but compared to the Claremontian run (which I'll review some of soon, as I've also been reading that) it's not half as fun. It's certainly better, but it's not as enjoyable, especially once we get into the second volume which just gets duller and duller without an overarching plot.

I would reccomend the first volume certainly, it brings a nice Sci-Fi and Spy vibe to English heroics, which is entirely fitting and nicely distinguishes it from the much more clearly super-heroic American set. The second, not so much though, as it all topples over into turbulent boredom.

Also Try:
Warren Ellis, Planetary
Chris Claremont, eXcalibur
Paul Cornell, Knight and Squire

The Progressive Patriot, Billy Bragg

"What does it mean to be English? What does it mean to be British? Is the cross of St George a proud symbol of a great tradition, or the badge of a neo-Nazi? In a world where British citizens can lay bombs to kill their countrymen, where religious fundamentalism is on the increase and where the BNP are somehow part of the democratic process, what does patriotism actually mean?

Our identity can change depending on what company we are in. For example, someone could describe themselves British to one person, Scottish to another and, say, a Londoner to another, and be right every time. But problems arise when someone tries to tell you what you are, based on your skin tone, religion, accent, surname, or whatever.

This book is Billy Bragg's urgent, eloquent and passionate response to the events of 7 July 2005, when four bombs tore through a busy morning in London, killing 52 innocent people and injuring many more.

A firm believer in toleration and diversity, he felt himself hemmed in by fascists on one side and religious fanatics on the other. The suicide bombers were all British-born and well integrated into our multicultural society. Yet they felt no compunction in murdering and maiming their fellow citizens. Inclusivity is important, but without a sense of belonging to accompany it, what chance social cohesion...

But where does a sense of belonging come from? Can it be conferred by a legal document? Is it a matter of blood and soil? Can it be taught? Is it nature or nurture? The Progressive Patriot is a book we all need to read. It pulls no punches in its insights and its radical vision offers a positive hope for a country teetering on the brink of catastrophe."

It's been a bit of a struggle for me to get through this book, not because it's not interesting but because it can't quite decide what it wants to be, and tends to get a bit exhausting as it zips between a history of the country, an autobiography and a discussion of 70s folk music and the London pub scene.

It's an eclectic mix, and whilst Bragg certainly knows his stuff it never really coheres into a single narrative beyond "racism is bad, but I like music". It's at its most interesting when it talks about his passions; Simon and Garfunkel, the colonisation and appropriation of English history, and what it means to be English. But having read Watching the English so recently there's nothing here that seems deep enough - certainly his assetion that class has been eliminated is painfully untrue, and his optimism for the future free of race baiting and distrust isn't exactly holding up too well post-economic crash.

It's intended to be a manifesto for left wing patriotism, showing how multiculuralism is part of what it means to be English, and reclaiming British history from the Imperial white washers and conservative reformists who attempt to take a back to basics approach to education that emphasises English achievements abroard. Unfortunately it takes too long, and is far too anecdotal to engage with a broad and difficult topic, and never comes close to providing answers.

Also Try:
Kate Fox; Watching the English,
Jeremy Paxman, The English
Bill Bryson, Neither Here Nor There

Watching The English, Kate Fox

"In WATCHING THE ENGLISH anthropologist Kate Fox takes a revealing look at the quirks, habits and foibles of the English people. She puts the English national character under her anthropological microscope, and finds a strange and fascinating culture, governed by complex sets of unspoken rules and byzantine codes of behaviour.

The rules of weather-speak. The ironic-gnome rule. The reflex apology rule. The paranoid-pantomime rule. Class indicators and class anxiety tests. The money-talk taboo and many more . . .

Through a mixture of anthropological analysis and her own unorthodox experiments (using herself as a reluctant guinea-pig), Kate Fox discovers what these unwritten behaviour codes tell us about Englishness."




This isn't the kind of book I normally read, but it was one that JJ picked up a year or so ago to read for her cross cultural studies class, and then when I went to America it got bought for me for Christmas, so with recommendations and a spare copy, it was pretty inevitable that I would end up getting through it. It's been a slog though - I started this before any of these reviews, it was the first book I began reading (pre-Christmas 2012) and I only just finished it.

That's not because it's boring, or a bad book, quite the opposite. It's more that I found other things to read, and it's certainly not the kind of book I find it hard to put down. At any one time I may have two or three non-fiction books and a couple of fiction books on the go. I'll read a book in a day and then move back onto whatever I was reading beforehand. This book was always one that kept getting abandoned in favour of something else.

Whenever I did read it though, it was fascinating. Whilst it overstays its welcome a little (especially since Fox is trying to define the rules of Englishness, which inevitably means a lot of finding similarities, and thus repetition) for the first two thirds it's an incredible run through of what makes people English - something which had me chuckling throughout, and frequently reading sections aloud to anyone who would listen. Usually JJ, who never seemed that impressed - possibly because she had already read it once.

It's a book that will probably resonate as much with the English as with any foreigner who wishes to understand them. Unlike Bryson, who is always more interesting when writing about other places, Fox manages to locate those things which are common currency in every English persons life - their privacy issues, their dislike of communication, their love of humour. Much of it can seem oversimplified, or a reach, but there's no doubting that it's often revelatory - whole sections revealed character traits (flaws?) that I had never realised I had but which it turns out JJ had been dealing with for months. Not just from me, but from the entire country, all of whom are engaged in an unwitting cultural pantomime of one-downmanship and keep-away.

It's the kind of book that is perfect to dip in and out of, which is conveniently what I have been doing. Whilst I can't imagine reading it all in one would be too pleasent (it's not always as fun or interesting a read as at its best, especially when it focuses on the anthropology of other classes, or anything that wasn't specific to my Englishness) it's certainly something that will make you think. In fact, it's been enough to cause arguments about anthropology in my family, something I never ever thought would happen.

Also Try:
Jeremy Paxman, The English
Bill Bryson, Neither Here Nor There, Shakespeare
Paul Cornell, Captain Britain and MI13

Captain Britain and MI13, Paul Cornell

"The Skrull Invasion isn't restricted to the US - when the Skrull Invasion his England, only Captain Britain and MI:13 stand in their way. With the fate of Britain hanging in the balance, can the heroes find out what the Skrulls are after before it's too late? This thrilling graphic novel ties in with Secret Invasion."
















I LOVE this book. I'm currently reading a bunch of books about Britishness, and what it means to be English.

I'm reading a book on anthropology, a history of the English, and a book on popular English traits. And none of them, none of them, make me feel quite so proud to be British, or quite so happy about my country as this book. It's a bizarre source of patriotism, but if any comic can do it, it's this one.

This isn't a Captain America style patriot bash, it's definably British. And it's wonderful.

There are a couple of scene here that make this comic essential, and whilst its definitely a series that got better post-Secret Invasion (the Dracula war that comes up at the end of the run is exceptional) its a truly strong start. Compared to the last Cornell book I read, this is a world apart.

There's a strong current of Britishness through it, from its treatment of the army and government to little throwaway characters such as John the Skrull or Tinkerbell. But it's the scenes of ordinary people that's stand out, from the death of Captain Britain, to the way the army makes its stand against the Skrulls on Westminster Bridge.

It's a book that has Britishness through it, to its very core, just as Knight and Squire for DC is a book that translates common American superheroics to a British setting. It takes those tropes and without ever undermining them, it builds on them to an extent that elevates everything that was previously there.

Compared to the main thrust of Secret Invasion this is almost throwaway. What it sets up for future arcs (the return of a single Captain Britain, the release of all evil in the British Isles) is totally confined to this book, this isn't something which spills over to others. In fact, the only time we see any of the main Marvel players is in the final arc; this isn't a series that needs to prove itself in relation to its American cousins. It doesn't need to be. It's great as it is.

If you're British and a comics lover (or even if you're just one of those) then this is a book to read, and re-read.

Also Try:
Paul Cornell, Knight and Squire
John Cleese, Superman: True Brit
Chris Claremont, Excalibur